Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Broken Smile

When everyone around you is falling
And their hearts are broken
You have to be strong
Lift them up
This is your opportunity to show them you love

You can’t fall
Your tears can’t fall
You are theirs
Their spirit will shine
When they see you smile

You heart beats for them
They are the ones you love
They are broken and they have fallen to their knees
You hear screams and see tears
And you are holding on to life by a string
But you have to be the sun shining in their lives

Life is tearing apart
Bit by bit it quickly passes by
You have to be strong
Lift them up
This is your opportunity to show them you love

You can’t fall
Your tears can’t fall
Your are theirs
Their spirit will sine
When they see you smile

They say they cant
You say they can
As they hurt
You are hurting from so much more
Everyone’s burdens fall on you
But you lift them up
This is your opportunity to show them you love

You can’t fall
Your tears can’t fall
Their spirit will shine
When they see you smile

You hold them tight
A hug is all that’s needed
Your heart beats for them
And you are to make theirs full
Their spirit will shine
When they see you smile

Monday, December 12, 2011

Choose to chance the rapids and dare to dance the tide

Life is full of chances
It is said to do one thing a day that scares you
This will be the curve in your journey
How you ever gonna know
til you try.

Garth Brooks sums this up in two of his most popular songs: The River and How you ever gonna know.

Keep walking, keep smiling, keep trying, keep pushing yourself, but also keep believing.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

I just want to figure life out

How many of you have said to yourself or someone else, I just want to figure life out.

We really never will, God doesn't intend for us to fully figure this out. He wants us to enjoy it.

My mom told me she thinks our purpose in life is to make a difference. Try to use my visual.

We are only in the world this amount of time

out of this amount of time:
and more.......................................

It's somewhat sad to think about but true.

Now the question is are you living your time out correctly.
Life isn't about you though.
I'm going to leave you at that.
Just think.

What is waiting..

There are so many quotes about waiting. Some mean wait for the best to happen because it will in time you just have to learn patience as you grow older. Others say don't spend your time waiting around because the more you wait the more you are missing out on something wonderful you could have had earlier. I am still confused, both meanings seem so true. Even though they have such different meanings I tend to end up comparing each and putting both definitions into my situation. I'm not going to share my situation on here quite yet because I'm not ready too, but I do hope I'm not the only one confused about the meaning of waiting.

These are the few quotes I have read.

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."

"The world is all gates, all opportunities, strings of tension waiting to be struck."

"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known."

but more...

"We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us."

"For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith, But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting."

"Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering."

but here is this one again.

"Maturity includes the recognition that no one is going to see anything in us that we don't see in ourselves. Stop waiting for a producer. Produce yourself."

ohh but I really like this one...

"The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper."

"Everything you want is out there waiting for you to ask. Everything you want also wants you. But you have to take action to get it."

Older women have always told me you don't wait for a man he will come to you, don't spend your life stumbling over him.

Also I have heard the right one will wait for you. This is what I have heard since I was born.

What is love, so many I know have talked themselves into love and I don't want to perform their mistakes. It's true, this comment from me probably sounds like I need a counselor. I may write all of these motivational stories and own a motivational business, but like everyone I have my flaws. I can tell you some good advice, but this is easy for me to say. Lately I have had a hard time following my own advice. Life def. brings you lemons and when those comes what the hell are you supposed to do. Wait til it's over, here comes the waiting thing again. Do you wait or take action? What am I waiting for, I waiting for love that already exist that really just needs to take action. I pray for the best each night, and in the end if I fall I guess I can say I didn't spend the time waiting to see if it could happen I can say I at least tried right? Yes, right so my philosophy to the various meaning of the waiting quotes is still unanswered. The only thing I can come up with is that they both have two separate meanings. Have patience and leisure time to enjoy the minute you have now but also don't leave questions unanswered go after what you want.

In the end they both say time is very precious. Enjoy the minute you have today each and every second with leisure and by performing your what if questions, don't let those go unanswered.
Time is precious like I said, so make the best of it.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011


“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

Simple note for today:
1. Be optimistic about life. The glass is half full.

2. Don't look at tomorrow for happiness, look at what's happening in front of you now.

3. A smile can make your day, not break it.

4. When it's raining, think about counting the raindrops instead of counting your tears.

5. Dance, sing, laugh, you will be a healthier person.

Thursday, September 22, 2011


A smile, a laugh, a hug, a fun dance. When you have found those friends you can share all of this with you have found happiness. Friendship is something special that you don't want to loose. I'm sure we all have been through those times when you thought someone was your friend and then you were completely stabbed in the back, let's just hope you were not that person who did the stabbing, if so don't be afraid to go find that individual and say sorry. Ask yourself, "Was that really me, who said those mean words, or gave those rude faces? If it was you, then I have no words to fix you, you are who you are, and I'm sure you will find friends.
But on the other hand, I somewhat got off subject a second ago, I am writing this because I'm talking about genuine friendship. I quote my mom all the time, but that is because she is so true in what she says. My mom always told me you meet your best friends in college. I am now beginning my third year, and I can truly say I def. met some of the most amazing people. The two girls I am rooming with now, couldn't be truer friends to me. We share laughs, family stories. I already feel I am part of each of their families. We share fashion advice, drama, personal secrets and more. We have lived together for one week and I feel like I have gained two more sisters. They just always lift me up when I'm down, and I do the same for both of them. We put quotes on our wall. Over the mirror we put quotes about being beautiful inside and out. On another way we put some of our favorite song quotes, and in the bathroom we are putting inspritautional quotes. I love how these two girls love quotes just as much as I do. We are all different but we collide in the most amazing ways. Other friends I have met during college have also been amazing. A good friend becomes a role model. I look up to what my friends are doing here. All of them are so very talented whether it be in the Arts and Music department, Science fields, young business owners, leaders and christians, and athlethes. I have a good friend in each of these fields at the school, and the best part is, I can picture this person in my head and automatically know I can count on them if I was in trouble or needed something.
Away from school, there is this say, "You find out who your true friends are when you move away and come back" This could not be any truer than those words to me. My eyes can tear up because of this. I have 5 very best friends. These five people showed their mark in my friendship by always being supportive and never loosing touch. We all live COMPLETELY different lives! But somehow we manage to work through and have that same love. The love of friendship is special. It's a different type of love you get from your family, or from your significant other. It's how I started this blog out, a smile, laugh, hug and dance. It's hard to explain but you know it when you feel it.

Monday, September 5, 2011


It sounds like a song
A joyful song?
A sad song?
A song of heartbreak?
A love song?
Today it was all
As each raindrop fell on the windshields a story was told
Behind each door there is a journey
And this was a door that was opened many years ago that never was fully explored
The door never shut but as months and days then years went by it slowly closed
There was a crack left, the door knew it couldn’t close completely just yet
Two hearts met long ago and they meet again.
Time was not waiting this time
They didn’t move fast, but they jumped in this together
Life now had a new meaning, and a new path to take
This course was not what was planned, but much much better
It was the start to that song filled with joy, sadness heartbreak and love.
Why would such a love story be filled with all of these things,
When one heart meets another one they protect and live for each.
Two lives have now become one together.
The rain hits each car window as they drive to the middle.
Hearts pounding as they drive slower and slower
Each mile had a different meaning. There was no second guessing that the love would end
Two hearts still miles apart.
Up and down hills, around curves, through wind and rain.
It’s better to be safe than sorry,
You realize what you have once it’s gone,
But you never know what you have till it arrives
It has not arrived yet, but holding strong
Knowing it will soon.
It was meant to be, God has a plan
And he kept these hearts safe that rainy day.
Each raindrop fell
Each song was played
Each step was taken
Love will arrive

Love Run

I run I run for glory?
I run for the sake to see the world?
I run I run away from pain?
I won’t give up,
This is really part of my life journey
It’s an adventure I love

Where is the love in my adventure
The Cinderella love story I have wished for
The story I pictured when I was just a girl
When will I find it
It seems that I never will

The love lies deep in the hearts
You see the couples holding hands
Taking pictures and looking so cute
I run I don’t think I’m running from love
But I can’t find it anywhere

Ive been to London, Paris, and New York City
Of thousands of people
In the most romantic places
Why is it no where in sight.
I must keep running?

I won’t give up
They say it happens when you least expect it
Should I stop looking
I don’t think I’m actually looking
Just having fun?

I am running for glory?
I am running to see the world
I am running with pain behind me
It won’t put me down
I won’t give up

I have found love
It’s in the hearts of the people I meet
The man that smiles as he is walking down a busy street
The little boy that held the door open for a crowd at the resturant
The woman holding her new baby
My mom, my sister, my dad and my friends

Love is all around,
It’s around every corner
You just can’t let it pass you by
Whether is romantic or friendship
The heartache is healed
With an open eye.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Last Train Adventure of 2011

There are days when something is telling you not to do something, well I have experienced many of these days.The last week of school one of these days really hit me hard. This is how the day went: I was supposed to take the Metra Train one last time to Chicago that morning. For my internship I was going to help at the Double Stitch Book signing. The twins had told me I was not required to be there, but in my mind I wanted to finish all out with them, because I had a rewarding experience throughout the semester. The morning I was going to head out to the city, I was extremely tired, stressed, and knew I had to study hard for my final exams. I wasn't making the best grades in 2 of my classes and my tests were the next day. I decided I was not going to go. One: I had to study and Two: I really didn't have the extra $10 to get there.
My day was great. I ended up studying outside with Sarah, one of my best friends. As we were sitting outside she told me about a train wreck with the Metra Trains. I was shocked, seriously I have been riding the train almost everyday and I felt completely safe. I never thought they had wrecks. I guess I decided I had to put trust in these engines. The only transportation I was cautious of at this time was cars, and that was only because a good family friend of ours had just died in a terrible car wreck. After this I had no trust in any car.
Well now I was being told that one of the Metra trains had collided with another one. The time this happened was the same train I would have been on that day. I would have been on that train, alone heading to Chicago. I couldn't get that out of my thoughts. I decided at last minute I wasn't going that morning, I don't know why but those are the moments when you know God is really watching over you. The little thoughts in your head you may not listen to some days are words from the Lord. Those are the doors he has for us. Some doors are smaller than others and all have different meanings, but you know you we are led certain directions somedays. We may never know why, but we can truly say I'm blessed that I was.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Hold on for one more day

Hold on for one more day, I had to make myself have this mindset throughout the last two terms at school. I did it though! I held on and I finished. I accomplished this other step in my life. The first time to move off by myself. The first time to live without my sister. We both did it. I am as proud of her as I am of myself. It is my last night living in Seybert Hall at North Central College. There is no air conditioner and I think it is about 90 degrees outside, but we are enjoying our time. Everything has fallen into place since I decided at last minute to finish my education 8 hours away from home at North Central. I was placed in the last room open on campus and my roommates ended up being 3 of my best friends from last year. My major and classes are starting to all fall into place ( even though at times I can't understand a thing especially math) it all feels right. I have met amazing people and became better friends with others. I have tried so many new things and opened myself up to view things in a cultured aspect rather than my conservative TN point of view. I have traveled to the city,found my way around and been scared to death. I have worked with my dream and role models. I have seen snow, rain, and even the hottest of sunshines. And what I am saying now, although that summer is beginning all of this is just beginning. This was the intro and turning point that this chapter in my life has, I am ready for more adventure that awaits me here in Chicago. Life is good. I found myself saying this over and over again the past few weeks. With a smile on my face I just say life is pretty good right now. I was told by someone the other day that I am very optimistic, I'm glad that shows in me, because if it shows in me I hope that others will catch my vibe and look at life in an optimisitc way. Love you all! and Good night!

Friday, May 27, 2011

God is calling will you listen?

I am listening and I am following his lead. It may be hard, but he is holding me strong. I have shed tears but in the end I hope to touch more hearts than the tears I shed.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

More Train Adventures of 2011

I was going to right 3 separate blogs about these train adventures because they all have a different outlook, but I have decided to combine them. All I can say right now is that in my life I am definately free to be me! Half of the time I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm happy doing anything. I have realized lately that I am always having a positive outlook on life. When something goes wrong I turn it around and I say the simple answer in my head..."It's all ok" "Everything works out somehow" The song free to be me, goes" I got a couple dents in my fender, rips in my jeans, when I try to put the pieces together perfection is my enemy" No song can explain my life right now anymore than this one. My Chicago experience I have been living the past 4 months is about to come to an end. Summer is just around the corner. I am so excited to be home, but I know it is an amazing feeling when I say I kinda wish I could stay here longer. I am finally getting comfortable. I'm finally able to be myself with my roommates, and I'm finally happy here. I am on a good path. I know when I leave this city and head to my TN home for the summer I have accomplished another journey in my life. I have accomplished the time to move off by myself. I have found myself more than ever. It makes me just want to smile everyday. When I am sitting on that hour train ride I no longer look out of the window and cry at the depression of the dark gray gloomy buildings. I look at them as an adventure that I have conquered! Lately my train rides have been very interesting. I got on the train one morning at 6:00 am. Getting on the train this early is confusing. What I did not understand was that there was more than one train that stops and leaves at my station. That morning I ended up getting on the wrong train. I stepped on the train looked around and saw only homeless peoeple...what in the world I thought as I looked out the window and noticed several people still standing outside on the sidewalk. Why did they not get on. I know they are going into the city. Well, have you ever wanted to jump off a moving train. I did that morning . As soon as the trian began to move I reread the train schedule and noticed that I was not on the express train. I was on the train that stopped at every stop I would not get into the city until 2hours later and I would definately be way late! I looked at the conductor man and all he said was sorry.....well I ended up finding my way. I didnt freak out like most people who know me would think I would. I causally got off when I could and got on another train. That was me...The small town girl trying to find her way...all confused I did it and made it to where I was supposed to be that day. My internship is actually going really great. Last week they had a photoshoot with Red Heart Yarn. It was really cool. They had a trailer and everything and the stylist came from New York. I love learning about all of these different jobs. Not only did they have a photoshoot that day, but they had a DVD filming for their new book. and a trunk show at Macy's Downtown Chicago. All of this was really great! Moving on to the next train experience I have yet to right about. I will dedicate this to all of the nice people in the world. I appreciate kindness. I had a nice conversation on the train with a stranger. This lady was so nice. Most people do not talk to others or even make eye contact with each other while on the train. This lady overheard me talking to my dad on the phone. She turned around and said you are from the south aren't you. And we began talking about how it is way different than the north, but how I am really enjoying my experience. She told me once live in Virgina and loved it because it was so beautiful. Not only was this lady nice but the conductor lady on the train has been extremely friendly. She is always happy and smiley. As we get off the train even if there is 50 people getting off one car she will tell everyone individually to have a good day. She knows how to make her job fun. She is a great example on how to make a job good. It is so true that everything can be turned around and made better and there is a way to have fun with everything.

Friday, April 29, 2011

The Impossible

Sometimes I still don't understand why I was called back here. I say all the time I miss home and that is where I belong with my people. All I know is that I am supposed to make a difference. I guess continue what I am doing and writing about my thoughts and experiences will make a difference. I have a goal and a vision that all of my blogs and stories will of my experiences will become a book, an inspirtuational book to many. I want to be a speaker. I want those who need it to live their life without worry. Nothing is impossible, and that is the truth. I want to spread the word to everyone that not one thing is impossible, especially if you believe. I have seen it happen! I have read those success stories of people over coming fears and over coming challenging obstacles. I have been writing these words for years now, all of my blogs are encouraging and and end up saying that nothing is impossible. I think it's time for me to follow my words, I say this and write it down for others but then I always end up putting myself down and feel like giving up. Everyday we are introduced to a new challenge some big and some small, you just have to stand up to them. I will say I don't stand up to all of my challenges and end up falling down the moutain and crying all night saying I am getting no where. That is where patience comes in. The Lord asks us to have patience. That is our time to see the world and see the little things you miss out on. I have definately started to find myself lately with patience. I have been writing and wondering what Gods call for me was, and I am seeing it now, God sent me here alone to write, write about what I see and and how I feel. I hope you read this and are encouraged by my words, because we are all the same and live life breath to breath. I think everyone has those times in your life when you feel like giving up. I'll tell you one thing, Don't give up, because you WILL and you CAN get there. Right now sometimes in my life I feel like I will get no where, but when I take a look around I see that I am already somewhere. I am living life smiling and accomplished so much, what more can I wish for. I wish that my words will remind you that it's true, Believe in the impossible! Love Yall!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Time to Smell the Flowers

Holy Cow! I was not expecting that temperature change! Woah! That was my first thoughts today on the train. Well I'm sitting on the train typing this blog in my phone notes so I don't forget my thoughts. Lately I'm really realizing no one has life figured out. That's why people quote to you, "It's your life and you are in control" I think I say this a lot in my blogs, but it is so true. One of the truest quotes that you should remember and follow. I still have many problems following this quote. I understand it, but in the midst of my busy life I forget this and worry to much of the unnecessary.
Everyone has different thoughts on what's the best way to live. Stay in a close knit community or branch out and see the world. Not one is correct. I hear many speakers at different conferences I attend say that to branch out and see the world! It will lead you to an amazing life and will make your life complete. I do believe these speakers when I hear them. Get out of your comfort zone at least once in your life, see the world and find yourself in new surroundings as well as get connections that will lead you to many places. These inspiritual speakers help us who want these things strive harder for them and not give up. But there are those of you in the world who do not want this lifestlye. You like what you have in life and you are blessed with everything you could wish for even if it's not much. I am so excited to know that those of you who are like this are so happy and content with your simple life. I am jealous of you. This is what I am getting to, it is releveant in your life to branch and see the world, but not everyone is striving for that lifestyle. I've been living this way and I have realized the best moments of your life will be those times when you are surrounded by love and happiness. Hope and Inspiration. No matter what you are doing in your life find time for love and time to smell the flowers.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011


I was laying on a bench in a city park listening to my ipod with my eyes closed. The sun was beating down on me. It felt so good I was in my own world. Nothing on my mind: Just relaxed. Time seemed to be standing still. My purple shirt and long wavy blonde hair made me feel beautiful like a flower in the sunshine. I now sit up and wake up to the world around me. I was done in a peaceful sense for a few minutes. It was the best moments of my life. As I continue sitting here on this bench and look around at the city, the fast paced life became so still and peaceful. Happiness and sunny days are just some of the simple pleasures I love. Over the sound of my ipod I can hear children's laughs. I look behind me and see those innocent faces swinging and sliding while their parents watch with loving smiles. Business mand in suits and college students walk by me one by one. Today they all seem happy. No matter what is on their mind they are just happy to be soaking up a bit of sunshine. The birds fly and chirp. Yellow daffdoals are actually in bloom. Sunshin, it's the cure for a better self esteem. This can be a piece of you that can't be missed. It's ok to walk in the green grass and off the black sidewalks. Let the colors shine, the blue sky and green grass. Let it all bring joy to our hearts. Spring has arrived.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

I need a jacket

As the train was arriving into the city the other day I looked out the window and saw fog and only fog. I could not see the tops of the buildings and it looked so chilly. Then I looked around at everyone on the bus and noticed they were all wearing big jackets. Some of these jackets are those huge ones that look like escomos and fall beneath the knees. Let's just say I really don't think I have ever seen people in TN with jackets like this. Well to continue, after I looked around at all of these other people on the train with their jackets and boots. I then looked down at myself and saw my thin bright yellow butterfly shirt and little grey sweater top. I looked at the people, out the window and then at myself. That was the minute I knew I needed a jacket. People probably thought I was crazy.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Train Thoughts

Since I have this new Internship I am going to Chicago everyother day. I don't think I made that very clear in the last post. I just wrote down all my thoughts and feelings that I get when I am walking the city alone or riding in a cab or on the train. My mind is about to go cRazY. I've never felt like this before. When Kaitlyn was with me it always felt like I was on vacation. The joys of having a twin is always having your best friend with you so everything is fun. Well, now that I am having this time alone I get so messed up. Those might not be the words to explain how I get but that's all I can come up with at this time. Let me just start with the Internship, I absoletly love working with the Double Stitch Twins. They are so wonderful and so funny to work with. Check out their website sometime. They are amazing women, and I really look up to them and hopefully one day will be doing something similar with my business. Working with them I have realized new paths I can take with my own business. There are many creative jobs that people don't even think about doing, and I think I will fall right into one of those. I'm just starting now with all my hard work. Well, their crochet patterns are going to be located in over 1000 Michael stores around the U.S. So start looking for them and you know I'm their Intern!! They also have books in the Borders that you can buy. They are so motivating. My first day on the job we went to a school in south Chicago. If you are not familiar with south Chicago (I'm not too familiar with it) but what I know and have heard is that it is not the best part of Chicago to be in. We went to this high school, it was called a leadership connection academy and they spoke about their career. The students in the room were jrs and seniors who do not have the same priviliages that I do. Some may have been involved in drugs or gangs or anything. I have always seen movies about these places on movies, but never thought I would experience being here. It was very interesting. I saw so much potential in some of these kids, and I hope they learned something from the twins. Another speaker who spoke was the women who was incharge of all court systems in Chicago. She was great too and encouraged me too. I felt like I needed to hear these speakers as much as the students in the room did. Erika one of the double stitch twins told me that one thing she loves about going to speak at events is that she always learns something from the other speakers and that is so so true. One goal of mine is to one day make it to the point that I can be a speaker like these people. The women of the court system had a remarkable story. She is orginally from Lousiana. No one in her family had attended college before and she moved to Chicago. She wasn't afraid to run for court system. Since she did not grow up there she did not know the rules or have the connections, but that was good for her. She said since she did not know this is enabled her to take action anyway she could think of. Her hard work paid off and she became the first woman in Chicago Court System and now runs it. So all in all even though this internship just started I am learning and attaining so much. It's not as easy as it seems though. If you have read my previous blogs about my train ride experiences you know I have been struggling with this atomosphere alot. The train rides are lonely. I just put my ipod in and enjoy the 30 to 45 minute ride. The next few blogs I will write will be my thoughts I have on the train that is why I titled this one Train Thoughts. This world is completely different than I am used too. Don't get me wrong I have traveled many places and rode subways and trains in the city but never have I done it alone. So far I don't think there is one time I haven't shed a tear going and walking around the city alone. I told my dad today after college I'm definately moving out of the city and immediately to the country. Oh it will happen but I love challenge and adventure so this is still a chapter of my life I can't leave empty and I am taking each adventure. Let me tell you about the last two experiences I had in the city. Starting with Sunday. Well Sunday in the city is very quiet, unlike other days where there are a ton of people walking around. I got off the train, and went out to the streets and I was seriously the only one out. The tall buildings and me on a Sunday morning. It was like I ruled the city was I quickly walked down the streets. One block, two blocks, three, four five six, I was practically running by this time. I was just like something feels wrong here. I am the only one out. I guess I just started freaking out for no reason because nothing happened. I decided I was going to go to the chapel church since it was about 8:30 and that's when service starts ( I keep saying over and over somehow I always get led to church, well I did that day too) So I walked in circles around these blocks trying to find this place. I knew it was around but couldnt find it. I looked up at the buildings to see if I could find the temple, didn't see that either....man oh man, I'm lost again I thought and me being me I started to freak out again. When all else fails you call your mom, even if she is 8 hours away. She always tries to help somehow. When I got off the phone with her I decided I better get a taxi, since I can't find it or I'm going to be late. I got the taxi. This driver was so funny and nice. I was one block away from this place. I was so so close it was funny. He laughed and wished each other good days and I went to church. It's always a great service there. Sunday ended up being a pretty good day. Disappointment always can be turned around I have seen it happen to many times to deny that. Today was a different story though. I got off the train. I knew where I was going this time, since I have been there before, so I thought I would walk a little and take a taxi the rest of the way, because my experience with taxis have been pretty good ( another thought of mine, when you're lost just get in a taxi and you'll end up there) this advice has worked everytime but today. Today was the day I cried more than I ever have while I was in the city. I got the taxi told him the street and name of the place I was going. He was so rude to me. First off he lied to me and told me he couldn't turn right down the street I needed to go down and needed a better address. I was just like what else can I say. Well then I started freaking out like I do...lol. ( I'm going to get over that soon, next time I go to Chicago I bet I won't freak out at all!) He pulled over to the side of the rode and said "Get out" in a very angry tone. "OMG!" what was I to do. freaking out already I paid him and quickly quickly got out with tears running down my face. I'm all alone in a strange place and it was time for me to be there! I already had a pretty sad train ride so this made it worse for me. And like I said earlier, when all else fails call mamma. So I did just hoping she would answer since I knew she was in school at that time. She did and I just balled to her. I could barely breathe. Lucky her got everything out of me and helped me get the full address for the place I was supposed to be so I could tell the next taxi driver better directions. I over reacted a little, but that's all I could think of doing. I know I am stronger than to just give up and freak out so much, but it's taking me time and I know I can do it. I am starting to feel successful in my life and I'm so ready for anything and any challenge to come my way because I will conquer it! In the end after my taxi experience I finally got there and had a really good time. I'm just hoping nothing like that will ever happen again. Train thoughts will continue for awhile and when I finally get to go home to Tennessee for Easter I throw my hands up and say halleiugh...lol :)

Monday, April 4, 2011

Random words from my train ride

I stepped off the train. In front of me hundreds of black jackets rushing through the doors not one smile on each face. I'm here in a sparkly purple shirt, I'm sure I stand out like a wildflower in an wmpty field. I just walk with the crowd and say--is this the dream I wanted for so many years. Sometimes your dreams aren't what you always pictured, but it's not time to give up-put that smile back on your face, remember what you were taught and create that happy imagine of you that was in all of your dreams. This is what I tell myself as I sit on the train depressed and scarred. It's ok to be the light in the dark crowd. My ipod started playing the Garth Brooks song, " How you ever gonna know" I never really listened to the words of this song before. These are the lyrics that really caught my attention. "How you ever gonna know if you never take the chance, What it's like when dreams become reality." I just got speechless when I was listening to this...that is so true. Riding the train on a cloudy cold day. As you leave the city everything around is grey no green grass, sunshine or spring flowers like I saw when I left Tennessee a few weeks ago. I left the small town and hit the city for more happiness--but here in the dark city and suburbs on the long grey train it seemed like there was no such thing as happiness. The small town carried so much love that made the happiness feel so special in my heart. What if life had no tears and everything ended with smiles and hugs. Life is full of limitless possibilities you just have to stand and face your fears. You have the world at your finger tips--that is what my sister always says! Take the advantage to find yourself in many places. Explore--we aren't put into this world to stop in one place. These are all just the words that came to my mind while I sat alone on the train the other day. I now take the train ride every other day almost into downtown and somehow I find where I'm supposed to be. I'm am scarred everytime, I'll say that but I step on and step off like I know what I'm doing and go on with my day.

It took leaving alone to understand

I wrote down my thoughts the other day on the train. I wake up every morning and no longer see that peaceful green field where the cows graze and the people pray. I never knew how good I had it down there til I left The city is not me, why do I not leave The long grey trains, fast cars, fast talking people, dark skies, and grey buildings never put me in a stand still. I walk so fast at times I can't breathe. I look around and see no one I know. My body aches for the warmth of a Tennessee sunshine hitting my back. At times I am so happy here, I guess I need to be. I've got so many benefits here: money, work and success. But I am happier with the less All I need is sunshine and an open field and I'll always be content. I don't need those stores, those trains, or even those people. The people that I have always loved and hugged are my loves And they are not here. I am alone. Life in the city versus life in the country. I have chosen both, and I will enjoy my time in both places. Where I am from will always be in my heart. It's my greatest love. And where I'll reside oneday Right now though I've been called to face my fears and see something new. I'll be sad and delighted with joy at times But isn't that what lives all about Just like a cloudy day and sunny day Live each out and don't let a day go wasted Learn from experience and cherish what you love Those are the simple rules in life. It's easier said than done. Your life is in your hands That's what Mamma always told me I am the only one who can make myself happy Take the time to smile because you are truly blessed

Friday, February 4, 2011

Don't lose your grip

I have been blessed. That is all I can say when I look back on my time in England. I am so blessed for that opoortunity I had. Even more I am so blessed for what I have going on in my life right now. It has almost been two months since I have been back, and everyday I am wishing for my experience abroad to still be happening. I miss my life there and I miss who I was and what I was able to do there. The adventure is not over yet though. I have decided to continue attending school in Northern IL close to Chicago. This was a very last minute decision, but I knew I had to finish what I started. I am working and building up towards the life I dream. I am not doing this for a storm to blow me down. This desision to come back to NCC was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I decided to come back the day before classes started. I had not talked to my sister about it, she is the person I have always been closest too. We have always shared every little secret and never been separated. Doing this and leaving her was so hard. I cry thinking about it now. I can't stand knowing that I might have ruined any little thing for her. We have goals together and we share dreams. I know though to make these goals stronger and to reach higher we had to separate sometime in our lives. It was time this time. It was time that we found ourselves without each other. I knew who I was with my sister. That is waht the England trip did for me. It helped me find myself with her. It gave me the secruity to know my future with her and us to find our true interests in life. Those we did find and that was traveling and seeing the world. Seeing the creativity that the world offers and what we can do with that. K and K Closet is ours. We will make it world known, and it will a success, not only for our sake but for others. This business is not for us. One of our main goals is for this business to encourage our friends to help women and even men to have confidence in themselves, not only by the way they dress but the way they choose to live their life.

Kaitlyn and I have seen and experienced so much in our life and we are only 20. I know there is so much more in store for us. Ever since we have graduated high school each chapter has unfolded to remarkable life changing stories. These have actually been the hardest times in my life. I have been lost so many times and made so many mistakes I can't even count them now.

Now that I have been on my own without my sister in Chicago. I have struggled learning how to live for me. I have always had her by my side. We shared everything from money to clothes and like I said earlier all our dreams. No one could separate us or break our boundary. I have been 5 weeks without seeing her face. I can't believe this has happened. I have not seen her at all and I have not talked to her near enough. I know this is good for me. It is my adventure that God has had planned. I have decided to continue falling God's lead. I heard his call to come back here, and I listened this time. I put all my worries to God. Like Philippians 4:6-7 states: Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Another love of mine is country music. Each song describes and my life perfectly from love relationships to moving on. I turned on the song Mountains by Lonestar and started listening to it. These lyrics are so true. This what I am experiencing now that I have moved away to live on my own in Chicago. I know that the city is not where I want to be for the rest of my life. I will oneday soon move back to the country. That is what I have found out about myself since I have been gone. I fall in love with the simple things in life that a country field with cows grazing or a waterfall out in the woods and just a small old town full of happy families. Those indeed are my favorite things in life. I enjoy the city and all it has to offer. I love that I have had and am having the experience to live in Chicago and London. They have changed my life for the better and made me strive for my dreams even more! These are the lyrics to "Mountains"

"There are times in life when you gotta crawl,Lose your grip, trip and fallWhen you can't lean on no one else,That's when you find yourselfI've been around and I've noticed thatWalk-in's easy when the road is flatThem danged 'ole hills will get you every time.Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains so we could learn how to climbThis world ain't fairIt can knock you on your buttYou can just lie there or you can get back upYou gotta get back up"

Now this is what I am doing after I write this blog. I am getting back up! I am here for many reasona and I'm not going to miss any sign that God has put in my path. I found many of the signs while I was in England. I found them when I was home for two weeks in TN and now I am searching for them each day I am living up here in Chicago. It's my time to fly.