Friday, April 29, 2011

The Impossible

Sometimes I still don't understand why I was called back here. I say all the time I miss home and that is where I belong with my people. All I know is that I am supposed to make a difference. I guess continue what I am doing and writing about my thoughts and experiences will make a difference. I have a goal and a vision that all of my blogs and stories will of my experiences will become a book, an inspirtuational book to many. I want to be a speaker. I want those who need it to live their life without worry. Nothing is impossible, and that is the truth. I want to spread the word to everyone that not one thing is impossible, especially if you believe. I have seen it happen! I have read those success stories of people over coming fears and over coming challenging obstacles. I have been writing these words for years now, all of my blogs are encouraging and and end up saying that nothing is impossible. I think it's time for me to follow my words, I say this and write it down for others but then I always end up putting myself down and feel like giving up. Everyday we are introduced to a new challenge some big and some small, you just have to stand up to them. I will say I don't stand up to all of my challenges and end up falling down the moutain and crying all night saying I am getting no where. That is where patience comes in. The Lord asks us to have patience. That is our time to see the world and see the little things you miss out on. I have definately started to find myself lately with patience. I have been writing and wondering what Gods call for me was, and I am seeing it now, God sent me here alone to write, write about what I see and and how I feel. I hope you read this and are encouraged by my words, because we are all the same and live life breath to breath. I think everyone has those times in your life when you feel like giving up. I'll tell you one thing, Don't give up, because you WILL and you CAN get there. Right now sometimes in my life I feel like I will get no where, but when I take a look around I see that I am already somewhere. I am living life smiling and accomplished so much, what more can I wish for. I wish that my words will remind you that it's true, Believe in the impossible! Love Yall!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Time to Smell the Flowers

Holy Cow! I was not expecting that temperature change! Woah! That was my first thoughts today on the train. Well I'm sitting on the train typing this blog in my phone notes so I don't forget my thoughts. Lately I'm really realizing no one has life figured out. That's why people quote to you, "It's your life and you are in control" I think I say this a lot in my blogs, but it is so true. One of the truest quotes that you should remember and follow. I still have many problems following this quote. I understand it, but in the midst of my busy life I forget this and worry to much of the unnecessary.
Everyone has different thoughts on what's the best way to live. Stay in a close knit community or branch out and see the world. Not one is correct. I hear many speakers at different conferences I attend say that to branch out and see the world! It will lead you to an amazing life and will make your life complete. I do believe these speakers when I hear them. Get out of your comfort zone at least once in your life, see the world and find yourself in new surroundings as well as get connections that will lead you to many places. These inspiritual speakers help us who want these things strive harder for them and not give up. But there are those of you in the world who do not want this lifestlye. You like what you have in life and you are blessed with everything you could wish for even if it's not much. I am so excited to know that those of you who are like this are so happy and content with your simple life. I am jealous of you. This is what I am getting to, it is releveant in your life to branch and see the world, but not everyone is striving for that lifestyle. I've been living this way and I have realized the best moments of your life will be those times when you are surrounded by love and happiness. Hope and Inspiration. No matter what you are doing in your life find time for love and time to smell the flowers.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Shine

I was laying on a bench in a city park listening to my ipod with my eyes closed. The sun was beating down on me. It felt so good I was in my own world. Nothing on my mind: Just relaxed. Time seemed to be standing still. My purple shirt and long wavy blonde hair made me feel beautiful like a flower in the sunshine. I now sit up and wake up to the world around me. I was done in a peaceful sense for a few minutes. It was the best moments of my life. As I continue sitting here on this bench and look around at the city, the fast paced life became so still and peaceful. Happiness and sunny days are just some of the simple pleasures I love. Over the sound of my ipod I can hear children's laughs. I look behind me and see those innocent faces swinging and sliding while their parents watch with loving smiles. Business mand in suits and college students walk by me one by one. Today they all seem happy. No matter what is on their mind they are just happy to be soaking up a bit of sunshine. The birds fly and chirp. Yellow daffdoals are actually in bloom. Sunshin, it's the cure for a better self esteem. This can be a piece of you that can't be missed. It's ok to walk in the green grass and off the black sidewalks. Let the colors shine, the blue sky and green grass. Let it all bring joy to our hearts. Spring has arrived.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

I need a jacket

As the train was arriving into the city the other day I looked out the window and saw fog and only fog. I could not see the tops of the buildings and it looked so chilly. Then I looked around at everyone on the bus and noticed they were all wearing big jackets. Some of these jackets are those huge ones that look like escomos and fall beneath the knees. Let's just say I really don't think I have ever seen people in TN with jackets like this. Well to continue, after I looked around at all of these other people on the train with their jackets and boots. I then looked down at myself and saw my thin bright yellow butterfly shirt and little grey sweater top. I looked at the people, out the window and then at myself. That was the minute I knew I needed a jacket. People probably thought I was crazy.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Train Thoughts

Since I have this new Internship I am going to Chicago everyother day. I don't think I made that very clear in the last post. I just wrote down all my thoughts and feelings that I get when I am walking the city alone or riding in a cab or on the train. My mind is about to go cRazY. I've never felt like this before. When Kaitlyn was with me it always felt like I was on vacation. The joys of having a twin is always having your best friend with you so everything is fun. Well, now that I am having this time alone I get so messed up. Those might not be the words to explain how I get but that's all I can come up with at this time. Let me just start with the Internship, I absoletly love working with the Double Stitch Twins. They are so wonderful and so funny to work with. Check out their website sometime. They are amazing women, and I really look up to them and hopefully one day will be doing something similar with my business. Working with them I have realized new paths I can take with my own business. There are many creative jobs that people don't even think about doing, and I think I will fall right into one of those. I'm just starting now with all my hard work. Well, their crochet patterns are going to be located in over 1000 Michael stores around the U.S. So start looking for them and you know I'm their Intern!! They also have books in the Borders that you can buy. They are so motivating. My first day on the job we went to a school in south Chicago. If you are not familiar with south Chicago (I'm not too familiar with it) but what I know and have heard is that it is not the best part of Chicago to be in. We went to this high school, it was called a leadership connection academy and they spoke about their career. The students in the room were jrs and seniors who do not have the same priviliages that I do. Some may have been involved in drugs or gangs or anything. I have always seen movies about these places on movies, but never thought I would experience being here. It was very interesting. I saw so much potential in some of these kids, and I hope they learned something from the twins. Another speaker who spoke was the women who was incharge of all court systems in Chicago. She was great too and encouraged me too. I felt like I needed to hear these speakers as much as the students in the room did. Erika one of the double stitch twins told me that one thing she loves about going to speak at events is that she always learns something from the other speakers and that is so so true. One goal of mine is to one day make it to the point that I can be a speaker like these people. The women of the court system had a remarkable story. She is orginally from Lousiana. No one in her family had attended college before and she moved to Chicago. She wasn't afraid to run for court system. Since she did not grow up there she did not know the rules or have the connections, but that was good for her. She said since she did not know this is enabled her to take action anyway she could think of. Her hard work paid off and she became the first woman in Chicago Court System and now runs it. So all in all even though this internship just started I am learning and attaining so much. It's not as easy as it seems though. If you have read my previous blogs about my train ride experiences you know I have been struggling with this atomosphere alot. The train rides are lonely. I just put my ipod in and enjoy the 30 to 45 minute ride. The next few blogs I will write will be my thoughts I have on the train that is why I titled this one Train Thoughts. This world is completely different than I am used too. Don't get me wrong I have traveled many places and rode subways and trains in the city but never have I done it alone. So far I don't think there is one time I haven't shed a tear going and walking around the city alone. I told my dad today after college I'm definately moving out of the city and immediately to the country. Oh it will happen but I love challenge and adventure so this is still a chapter of my life I can't leave empty and I am taking each adventure. Let me tell you about the last two experiences I had in the city. Starting with Sunday. Well Sunday in the city is very quiet, unlike other days where there are a ton of people walking around. I got off the train, and went out to the streets and I was seriously the only one out. The tall buildings and me on a Sunday morning. It was like I ruled the city was I quickly walked down the streets. One block, two blocks, three, four five six, I was practically running by this time. I was just like something feels wrong here. I am the only one out. I guess I just started freaking out for no reason because nothing happened. I decided I was going to go to the chapel church since it was about 8:30 and that's when service starts ( I keep saying over and over somehow I always get led to church, well I did that day too) So I walked in circles around these blocks trying to find this place. I knew it was around but couldnt find it. I looked up at the buildings to see if I could find the temple, didn't see that either....man oh man, I'm lost again I thought and me being me I started to freak out again. When all else fails you call your mom, even if she is 8 hours away. She always tries to help somehow. When I got off the phone with her I decided I better get a taxi, since I can't find it or I'm going to be late. I got the taxi. This driver was so funny and nice. I was one block away from this place. I was so so close it was funny. He laughed and wished each other good days and I went to church. It's always a great service there. Sunday ended up being a pretty good day. Disappointment always can be turned around I have seen it happen to many times to deny that. Today was a different story though. I got off the train. I knew where I was going this time, since I have been there before, so I thought I would walk a little and take a taxi the rest of the way, because my experience with taxis have been pretty good ( another thought of mine, when you're lost just get in a taxi and you'll end up there) this advice has worked everytime but today. Today was the day I cried more than I ever have while I was in the city. I got the taxi told him the street and name of the place I was going. He was so rude to me. First off he lied to me and told me he couldn't turn right down the street I needed to go down and needed a better address. I was just like what else can I say. Well then I started freaking out like I do...lol. ( I'm going to get over that soon, next time I go to Chicago I bet I won't freak out at all!) He pulled over to the side of the rode and said "Get out" in a very angry tone. "OMG!" what was I to do. freaking out already I paid him and quickly quickly got out with tears running down my face. I'm all alone in a strange place and it was time for me to be there! I already had a pretty sad train ride so this made it worse for me. And like I said earlier, when all else fails call mamma. So I did just hoping she would answer since I knew she was in school at that time. She did and I just balled to her. I could barely breathe. Lucky her got everything out of me and helped me get the full address for the place I was supposed to be so I could tell the next taxi driver better directions. I over reacted a little, but that's all I could think of doing. I know I am stronger than to just give up and freak out so much, but it's taking me time and I know I can do it. I am starting to feel successful in my life and I'm so ready for anything and any challenge to come my way because I will conquer it! In the end after my taxi experience I finally got there and had a really good time. I'm just hoping nothing like that will ever happen again. Train thoughts will continue for awhile and when I finally get to go home to Tennessee for Easter I throw my hands up and say halleiugh...lol :)

Monday, April 4, 2011

Random words from my train ride

I stepped off the train. In front of me hundreds of black jackets rushing through the doors not one smile on each face. I'm here in a sparkly purple shirt, I'm sure I stand out like a wildflower in an wmpty field. I just walk with the crowd and say--is this the dream I wanted for so many years. Sometimes your dreams aren't what you always pictured, but it's not time to give up-put that smile back on your face, remember what you were taught and create that happy imagine of you that was in all of your dreams. This is what I tell myself as I sit on the train depressed and scarred. It's ok to be the light in the dark crowd. My ipod started playing the Garth Brooks song, " How you ever gonna know" I never really listened to the words of this song before. These are the lyrics that really caught my attention. "How you ever gonna know if you never take the chance, What it's like when dreams become reality." I just got speechless when I was listening to this...that is so true. Riding the train on a cloudy cold day. As you leave the city everything around is grey no green grass, sunshine or spring flowers like I saw when I left Tennessee a few weeks ago. I left the small town and hit the city for more happiness--but here in the dark city and suburbs on the long grey train it seemed like there was no such thing as happiness. The small town carried so much love that made the happiness feel so special in my heart. What if life had no tears and everything ended with smiles and hugs. Life is full of limitless possibilities you just have to stand and face your fears. You have the world at your finger tips--that is what my sister always says! Take the advantage to find yourself in many places. Explore--we aren't put into this world to stop in one place. These are all just the words that came to my mind while I sat alone on the train the other day. I now take the train ride every other day almost into downtown and somehow I find where I'm supposed to be. I'm am scarred everytime, I'll say that but I step on and step off like I know what I'm doing and go on with my day.

It took leaving alone to understand

I wrote down my thoughts the other day on the train. I wake up every morning and no longer see that peaceful green field where the cows graze and the people pray. I never knew how good I had it down there til I left The city is not me, why do I not leave The long grey trains, fast cars, fast talking people, dark skies, and grey buildings never put me in a stand still. I walk so fast at times I can't breathe. I look around and see no one I know. My body aches for the warmth of a Tennessee sunshine hitting my back. At times I am so happy here, I guess I need to be. I've got so many benefits here: money, work and success. But I am happier with the less All I need is sunshine and an open field and I'll always be content. I don't need those stores, those trains, or even those people. The people that I have always loved and hugged are my loves And they are not here. I am alone. Life in the city versus life in the country. I have chosen both, and I will enjoy my time in both places. Where I am from will always be in my heart. It's my greatest love. And where I'll reside oneday Right now though I've been called to face my fears and see something new. I'll be sad and delighted with joy at times But isn't that what lives all about Just like a cloudy day and sunny day Live each out and don't let a day go wasted Learn from experience and cherish what you love Those are the simple rules in life. It's easier said than done. Your life is in your hands That's what Mamma always told me I am the only one who can make myself happy Take the time to smile because you are truly blessed